The trajectory of my life was derailed in an instant when I broke my neck in a car accident at age 32. I went from an independent, active lifestyle to a life of dependence, paralyzed from the chest down. You don't know who you are until you are stripped of all that you thought defined you. For me, it was keeping up with the guys as an ironworker and welder, traveling, partying too hard. It was about raising my daughter as a single mom. It was night classes online and dreams of being a writer.

During my life I have been no stranger to change and challenge, though. I have gone from a smalltown teen mom to a successful traveling tradeswoman, from a fundamental religion to philosophy and humanism.

When my life on the road, on the iron and on my feet was cut short, I was faced with my biggest challenge yet. I turned to the lessons I learned on that road and in my studies, and to the words of the wise, to adapt to living with my disability, and start to let go with grace.

With much help from my loyal brother and beloved daughter, just 13 when my injury took place, I must claim a place in the world again, finding the strength to cope with no longer being strong, but building strength of mind instead.

My story speaks to the struggle and the strength of the disabled, to the fight of the feminist, the honor of the blue collar, and to a mother’s undying love. It resonates with tender love for my Arizona home, the iron I left behind, and the people in my life I hold dear.

I grew up in the Assembly of God, product of small town charismatic Pentecostal pastors, terrifying televangelists and a rod not spared. My flavor of fundamentalism demanded love of a detestable deity and condemned critical thought, inflicting it’s scars with both the message and its mediators. Evangelist apologist in youth, tormented by purity culture and grasping at a Rapture pass, I couldn’t compartmentalize my thinking anymore at age 22, and left the Evangelicals.

My journey from faith began with growing intrigue in the natural world, gnawing need to understand history, and disenchantment with the doctrine and dogma I was indoctrinated with, compounded by cognitive dissonance and the pull of my heart toward a secular morality.

No longer able to accept information without evidence, I embarked on a journey to answer the questions that burned in my soul upon snatching it back from the fold. Where did my universe and this species really come from? Where did that religion and that Bible really come from? How did it hold such power over people?

I wanted to understand the psychology of belief of this nature, and to explore alternative philosophies about morality and the meaning of life. Did universal ethics and values exist and what were they? Was there a real path to joy and peace and how could I find it?

A Backslider’s Guide is the story of my youth in the church, fall from grace, eventual apostasy, and the culmination of my research that allowed me to finally get over God. Packed with research and littered with quotes from historians, academics, and biblical scholars, I trace my journey toward my heresy. 

To those outside fundamentalism, I present a researched insider’s point of view of evangelical indoctrination. To my fellow apostates I offer solidarity in sharing the psychological scars it caused, and challenging the evangelical doctrine that teaches hate, fear and shame and calls it love.

I never found a practical application for philosophy until I broke my neck. Suddenly I had to adjust to a whole new way of navigating the world. 

In turning to the ancient Greco-Roman school of Stoicism in my darkest hours, I began to find a path to peace and means of fighting the demons of disability, Through Stoicism I'd come to terms with my own nature and find there a secret wellspring of inner strength.

How can we live a good life? Change our perspective, enjoy the little things, endure suffering? Is there a way to prepare for death and stay calm even in the eye of a storm?

Here are the secrets, hard won, battle tested by a warrior in a wheelchair, complete with fascinating historical context and points for reflection, journal activities and packed with Stoic quotes to weaponize the mind.

The Sedentary Stoic is nothing less than a field manual for making your life a lesson worth living.

Poetry has been my outlet for emotion since youth.

I spent thirty years of my life spilling my guts in lyrical form in a dozen composition books for my eyes only.

Now I’m presenting this work to my readers, unedited, unabridged and unfiltered.

From the internal conflicts of adolescence to the raw emotions of young adulthood; From tender thoughts of motherhood, to tormented rants on addiction and toxic love; From boastful odes to my ambition and adventures to private musings on the human condition; From political rants on equity and justice to analyzing faith and philosophy – My poetry reads easy, hides little, bares all.

In the years since my spinal cord injury I have come to appreciate the value in sharing our human experience and our intimate emotions. This cultivates a kind of solidarity; our stories can be vastly different, but we all understand the confusion of coming of age, heartbreak of unrequited love, the internal conflict, the pain of tragedy.

Words were my way through.

"A poignant reminder to never underestimate the human mind and the human spirit. Cassandra's beautiful, thoughtful writing and her way of tying in wisdom and Greek philosophy to dealing with adversity are the perfect antidote that we all can apply to our lives regardless of our individual circumstances."

- JEM

(Seven Secrets of a Sedentary Stoic)

"Oh, this beautifully written, simple and truthful book ought to be required reading for every high school student before they are allowed to graduate and make major life decisions for themselves.

This is well researched and has complete and real references. The author has described her own journey from being caught up in an Evangelical religion to freeing herself from the chains of emotional slavery. Her difficult journey is sometimes hard to read, but it is important to read through it with with an honest and open mind.

This is a very precious and important book. If religious people are afraid to read it, it is because the simple truth might challenge their beliefs. But truth will set you free."

- Electron

(A Backslider's Guide to Getting Over God)

"Strong, passionate, heartbreaking, inspirational, moving, motivating, courageous, an outstanding story of hope! As another person in a chair, I feel this book is directed to all of us not to give up, not to live in despair, but to continue to thrive, love, think, and most importantly never give up!"

- Kindle customer 

(Iron Girl: Tomboy, Tradeswoman, Tetraplegic)